{"id":2897,"date":"2002-09-18T10:55:34","date_gmt":"2002-09-18T10:55:34","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/staging.armedliberal.com\/?p=295"},"modified":"2002-09-18T10:55:34","modified_gmt":"2002-09-18T10:55:34","slug":"kids","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"http:\/\/marcdanziger.com\/?p=2897","title":{"rendered":"KIDS"},"content":{"rendered":"

So I\u0092m tied up in arguments over the police, the definition of terrorism, the progress of peace in Palestine, and I can\u0092t articulate my ideas and my head just hurts. I usually take this as a good sign, one that means that the purpose of this blog \u0096 forcing me to think through and clearly articulate my thoughts and opinions \u0096 is being met.
\n(thanks by the way to everyone who is tossing rocks into the soup)
\nBut right now I can\u0092t write about them worth a damn.
\nThen, scanning the blogs, I read Dawn\u0092s prayer<\/a> to become a better parent, and there\u0092s<\/u> something I can start to talk about.
\nI love being a dad, even when one of my kids gives me shit<\/a> online. Somehow especially then\u0085
\nI think I\u0092m a pretty good Dad, although time will tell. I know that I work harder at it than I ever have at anything in my entire life, and that it gives me more pleasure than anything I\u0092ve ever done in my life.
\nIt\u0092s also true that it\u0092s different \u0096 and I think harder \u0096 for moms. It may be coincidence, but both of my marriages started to splinter about the time the first child were born, and while I certainly have to carry my share of the weight for that, I can also say that I saw the women I\u0092d married\u0085smart, tough, professional, independent women\u0085crack under the burden. Not only the burden of physically bearing children and tending them when they are small and helpless\u0085I was up nights, too, and we were lucky enough to have household help\u0085but the burden of conflicting expectations and conflicting images of who they ought to be and what they ought to hold important.
\nBut those are issues for them, and their blogs, if they ever choose to have one.
\nFor me, becoming a parent has been so incredibly liberating, because it has taken me out of myself.
\nThe best story I can tell is about a ski trip we took with the boys and two childless good friends … they had the \u0091first chair up, last chair up\u0092 attitude we\u0092d always had when we skied together.
\nBut now we had the boys\u0085ages six and four\u0085and the reality was that we were going to move on what I called \u0091kid time\u0092\u0085we were going to get it done, but on the boys’ pace. By the end of the trip, we were so frustrated with our friends, and they with us, that violence felt like a real possibility. And I felt like I had to make a choice, and I did…I chose to move on ‘kid time’. And learning about \u0091kid time\u0092, and the ability to still get them where I want them to go while accepting that the path we take may not exactly be the one I planned on, is the best lesson I could have received.
\nThis means that I\u0092ve always dealt with my sons as \u0091people\u0092 even when I recognized that when young, they didn\u0092t have the capacity to be truly independent. I called this \u0091peas or carrots\u0092; they always had choices at dinnertime\u0085I just determined what the choices were\u0085peas or carrots? And they were always willing to stand up and tell me what they wanted\u0085while I determined if they got it or not.
\nI have close friends who have raised their children along the other paths\u0085where the children were browbeaten and given no say; and where the children basically ran the house. In both cases, both the parents and kids seem to be coming out broken.
\nIt\u0092s damn hard. You get called away just as you\u0092re getting ready to go to the important meeting, or there is a knock at the bedroom door at the worst possible breathing-hard moment. Their shoes come untied \u0096 again \u0096 as you are late getting them to school.
\nAnd for me, somehow, the burden always lifts just as it becomes unbearable. I find another bit of patience when I thought I was done. I turn and apologize after saying something that I wish I hadn\u0092t said, and the anger lifts. And the road ahead becomes that much less steep when I do. And that ability…the ability to reach a little further,to be a little better…is the gift my sons have given to me.
\nWe\u0092re not done yet\u0085one is away at school, one in high school, and one in first grade\u0085but I\u0092m proud as hell of them, and hopeful for all of our futures.
\nHang tough, Dawn. It\u0092s all worth it.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

So I\u0092m tied up in arguments over the police, the definition of terrorism, the progress of peace in Palestine, and I can\u0092t articulate my ideas and my head just hurts. I usually take this as a good sign, one that means that the purpose of this blog \u0096 forcing me to think through and clearly […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":8,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":[],"categories":[1],"tags":[],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"http:\/\/marcdanziger.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2897"}],"collection":[{"href":"http:\/\/marcdanziger.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"http:\/\/marcdanziger.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/marcdanziger.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/8"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/marcdanziger.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=2897"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"http:\/\/marcdanziger.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2897\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"http:\/\/marcdanziger.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=2897"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/marcdanziger.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=2897"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/marcdanziger.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=2897"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}