I’ve been less than honest with you folks for the last eight months or so.
It’s a difficult thing to write about, for a variety of reasons that’ll be obvious in a moment. But I’ve been increasingly uncomfortable at not disclosing something that seems pretty darn germane to many of the issues I think and read write about; and I’m finally uncomfortable enough that it’s time to say something.
My oldest son – Biggest Guy, Eric – will report to Ft. Benning Sept. 18 and join the Army. He chose last year to enlist on his graduation from UVA as an enlisted man, rather than an officer, and to enlist with a MOS of 18X. This places him on a track from Basic Training through Jump School directly to Q-School where he will try and directly qualify for Special Forces.As you can imagine, I’ve got a million different emotions about this. And I’ve been reluctant to post on it because the last thing I want from this is some kind of political point on a nonexistent scorecard.
Today, I want to post this as a parent, not a political blogger.
The thing I have tried hard to impress on my sons is their need to find something that will engage them and to grab onto it with both hands and see where it will take them in life. Too often, the media we see portray the ephemera of what we do – status, money – and ignore the actual soul-satisfying substance of the work that leads to it. I believe passionately in the truth of that pursuit as a plan for one’s life, and that to pursue engagement and challenge is the highest career that we can choose.
The risk of taking that kind of position with your children is that what you think they ought to or might find engagement in isn’t necessarily what they find engaging.
And in a way, I’m proudest of him for that – for picking his own path and following his own heart, and not the plans his mother(s) and I have made for him as we watched him grow.
I’m anxious for him, as well. I’m not delusional, and I believe strongly that we will as a country be in combat during his time in the service. I know that the odds are in his favor, and that realistically I’m probably more at risk riding my motorcycle on the 405 freeway. But it certainly doesn’t feel that way in my stomach when I think about it.
I’m anxious because of the difficulty of the path he has chosen; but at the same time, knowing some of the men who have walked it, I am confident that he can make it and that if he does, what he finds there – the ‘self’ he will find there – will suit him extraordinarily well.
He is choosing a path that will be challenging in ways I can only imagine, and by challenging himself in those and other ways he has the opportunity to grow and stretch the capabilities of adult he is becoming into someone amazing.
And, in reality, I am just facing the strange thing that all parents face with their children as they grow – the simple fact that they soon outgrow our ability to parent and protect them – sometimes by a really long way. So we just love them and work to understand them.
I’ve been doing a lot of reading in the last months about this. Three books stand out, and I’ll happily recommend them:
Chosen Soldier, a book that details the program that he will be going through.
Imperial Grunts, by Kaplan
On Combat, by Dave Grossman (author of ‘On Killing’). I was given this to review, and will in the next week or so. But suffice it to say that I’ve given my copy to my son to read and keep.
A final word, as a blogger.
My adult son’s independent decision about what he wants to do with his life has no bearing on me or on what I write. My views and words about the issues that have concerned me for five years or more are not one gram more significant nor my arguments one iota stronger or weaker because of the decision which he independently made. Judge me as a parent if you will, but please do not judge my positions as a writer based on this act by someone else.
The credit and honor for his choices and actions are his, and his alone. I fed him and paid his college tuition. He took those materials and made himself what he is. A son who I dearly love and would be proud of whatever passion he has found and followed.