OK, this is just too funny.
Check out Jan Ullrich’s MySpace page (somehow, a fake, I think…)
I enjoy watching myself ride the bicycle on TV, crushing the souls of the weak. I do not enjoy watching the OLN on the TV, where the announcers swing from Lance Armstrong’s ******** as if they were a trapeze.
For those whose thoughts never stray toward Puy-de-Dome in July, Jan Ullrich is the leader of the T-Mobile pro cycling team, and I doubt that’s really his MySpace page.
Who I’d like to meet:
I would like to be meeting Karl Rove, and we would discuss to each other our best strategies for crushing the weak, and the sweet music of their dying pleas for clemency, which we would for a certainty not give to them.
For what it’s worth, I’d say that Tour of California winner Floyd Landis may have something to say about it…
This was quite good:
bq.. “It is not being the easy to sculpt this flesh-temple of wonder that we are calling “The Jan.” No, it is not being easy at all. Lo, and gaze upon these twin monsters of dark muscle upon which I will build my unholy church. How many road-widows have they made? The Jan can still hear the wails, and he is much comforted. How many children have been abandoned, how many have gone hungry when their fathers were mashed between my horgantuan thigh-beasts like so much mashed-up stuff? The Jan is hearing these questions, but he cannot be granting you an answer.
….So therefore it should be no surprise when the Jan’s knee is giving out like it did last week. That is being a lot of damnation and hellfire to support on just a couple of regular knees. But it still is hurting the Jan like the dickens.
At first, the Jan was taking the pills of anti-pain, but the Jan is a little too fond of the pills, and apparently swallowing 20 at a time with a fifth of Jagrmeister and then gazing upon the face of God is not something the doctors are recommending as part of my recuperation. So they are taking the Jan’s pills from his mighty grasp, and now I am being the bored.
My season is being delayed, it is true. This has been the cause for much rejoicing in the peloton, I am hearing. The weak may cling to their miserable lives for a few more weeks, until the Reaper, (that is being me in this analogy,) mows them down like so many dandelions. And then eats them.”
p. Wotta guy. Still not quite up to Darth Vader’s blog, though. Or even Saddam’s.