Below is a real email thread I received today from a friend. I’ve redacted the names and email addresses. It’s completely distracted me from worrying about the election. B____ is married to B___B and they are the parents of J____ and friends with A____ and K____…

From: B____

Sent: Monday, November 06, 2006 8:13 PM
To:
Subject: sunday at our place

A____

You said I wasn’t the old me

Stooped a little

Bags under my eyes , little dribble coming out of my mouth .

I saw worry in your eyes.

Below is a typical night at my house

A____ I am sorry I scared you

But understand coming into my house ,

My kid is screaming

My bird Mr Blue is screaming because he is not going to get laid that night

There are feathers all over the fucking house

The dog is hiding in the corner with his paws over is ears , small green feather at the corner of his mouth.

J____ traumatized his dog ate his bird , sleeps on the floor in the room

A____, you still want to say how bad I look or what a miracle it is I am still breathing.

B____

**************** Begin Forwarded Message ****************

From: B___B [Mrs. B____]
Sent: Monday, November 06, 2006 9:38 AM
To:
Cc:
Subject: RE: sunday at our place

Hi K;

Okay I drove over the construction sign and enjoyed a fantastic afternoon . Meal was great, company was fabulous . But if you think of a puppy let me tell you our latest story .

While we had the greatest time at your great fully constructed house .Shawnee was lonely and bored and he decided to break out of his cage and have some fun with the birds. Lizzie disappeared , we found tons of feather but no dead bird . J____ was hysterical , Mr. Blue was even more hysterical and my husband accused of mass murder …

So I cleaned for an hour picking up all the feathers, looking with a nightlight for the dead bird but did not find him.

J____ in the mean time sleeps on the floor with us , because Mr. Blue was chirping all night looking for the his bride to be, B____ is grunting and still accusing me of massmurder-. This morning more feathers but no bird, B____ goes on the hunt but still no dead bird. I go with our Hunter Shawnee to see if in the poo Lizzie appears but no Lizzie there either , we hoping that Carmen finds the bird -. But this is only 1 evening and 1 morning with the new _______ family.

So are you sure you want a puppy?

Anyway this afternoon you find us back at the pet store buying a new friend for our heart sick Mr. Blue -..

Your mass murderer,

B___B

PS Shawnee looks a bit guilty , but this morning he started to jump on our white leather sofas chasing J____, who screamed to get the beast of him

PS B____ decided that from now on he will have breakfast at Starbucks. He might actually camp there .