Four years ago today, TG and I were married in the garden at Disney Hall in downtown Los Angeles.
Tonight, we had a marvelous dinner, and then went to the hall for a LA Philharmonic concert (we go about once a month).
It was a great concert; Rachmaninoff and Shostakovitch (his “Leningrad” concerto) immaculately and passionately performed. (Interesting thought about Shostakovitch and morally bent people doing great work – think Heidegger. And Rachmaninoff died about five blocks from where I grew up.)
But I want to take a moment while TG cleans up to rant. About the audience.Look, it’s possible that many people there have never been to a classical concert – or any live performance before. But it’s unlikely.
So it’s obvious that no one showed them the rules.
I’m happy to help.
1) No talking. Ever. I don’t care if your pet ferret leaps out of your handbag and starts gnawing its way to your vitals – sit there and die in silence like a music fan. Tonight some woman started narrating the piano solo in the Rachmaninoff piece. I came as close as I’ve ever been to beating down an old lady. And I wouldn’t have felt bad about it if I had…
2) There is no way it takes you a minute and 45 seconds to unwrap your throat lozenge from the crinkly plastic wrapper. I don’t care if you can only use one hand. Do it quickly and quietly. Better still, here’s a trick – unwrap three or four before the damn performance starts.
3) Don’t tap your ***ing feet. No, you’re not a percussionist, nor are you Savion Glover – and if you were, I’d still be pissed because it wasn’t a Savion Glover concert. It sounded like the freaking Rockettes tapdancing their way through the music tonight.
4) Classical music pieces are often made up of sections, called ‘movements’. Don’t clap between them. If you’re not sure whether to clap or not, don’t until 3/4 of the audience is clapping (in LA, if you set the bar at 1/2, people will clap all the damn time). It’s not that hard; look in the program and see how many movements there are in the work being played. Clap then that number of pauses plus one comes along. Use rubber bands like football refs do if you need to. Just don’t clap between movements, OK?
You paid a lot of money for that seat and the experience of listening to the music. You didn’t pay to do audience participation. And I didn’t pay to listen to you. So sit still and listen, mmmkay?
“But I want to take a moment while TG cleans up to rant.” I’m with TG. I hate to rant while dirty.
I’m also strongly with you on Nos. 1, 2, 3 & 4. (though with 4, some people just don’t know. That’s ignorance. 1, 2 & 3 are just manners and common sense.)
Interesting thought about Shostakovitch and morally bent people doing great work – think Heidegger
He lived under Stalin. From what I have read about Shostakovitch, your remark about “morally bent” was unjustified.
AL,
I couldn’t agree with you more, but it is not just classical music concerts. I took my with to a Harry Connick, Jr. (one of her favorites) concert for her birthday. All the way through the drunk behind us narrated the show to his date and sang along. After about 60 minutes of this I asked him if he was there to listen or to talk. He was not amused, but by that time I was ready to take it outside.
Ops, should be wife not with.
Its everywhere. People are basically self involved jerks, or at least a large enough percentage to make it seem that way. Movies, ball games, restaurants… I was in a nice sushi place this week and two families had the big table in the center of the room and proceeded to let their kids run around the restaurant like it was the McDonalds playground. You could just sense their feeling of entitlement, one of the moms literally said she was glad she could ‘have a break’. At the rest of our expense of course. Basically there is a mentality that going to work or raising your kids is some kind of amazing enterprise and you deserve to be an ass just for doing it.
Don’t feel bad, AL. When we went to see the British Royal Philharmonic play a gymnasium in Hangzhou, China, the Chinese didn’t even turn off their cellphones. And somebody’s dinner, a rabbit, got loose and ran across the stage while they were playing Beethoven’s 5th.
They didn’t miss a beat.
“Disney Hall”? nee “The Music Center” or something like that, with all the fountains and pools?
And you list only some of the reason I don’t go to public performances anymore except for TSO and The Mannheim Steamroller, where it doesn’t much matter.
You’ve touched on a subject near and dear to my own coal-black heart. Mayhap the rowdiness expected (and, honestly, almost necessary in a way) at rock shows has desensitized people to inappropriate behavior at other shows? Hate to even admit that as a rock and roll guy myself, just sorta thinking aloud…
I’ve been attending local state symphony performances for a couple of years now and don’t ever recall having a #1-#3 issue. Ever. Even for the performances that attracted the younger crowd.
#4 happens, or tries to happen occasionally, but the conductor always handles it. A little turn, a smile, a quelling gesture with one hand, and then back to the music.
But then our conductor always enjoys interacting with the audience during the performance. I’ve never understood the attitude some have that if they interact with the audience in any way during the performance the classical music gods will smite them down.
It’s a live show, have a little fun with it, conduct the audience along with the orchestra if you need to. It might actually move the average demographic at these things to something younger than dinosaur.
Damn I’m gonna miss Keith Lockhart…
I’ve never understood the point of music that you can’t tap your feet or dance to, so that’s why I tended to avoid classical music concerts. But if people are going to go to these concerts, they should follow the rules.
My husband is a fan of classical music (especially Shostakovitch), and I will go to concerts with him if he’s willing to go to jazz or rock club with me. He was surprised to find that there were rules in my venues too, like:
– Don’t keep your fingers in your ears during the whole performance. If your ears are sensitive to amplification, bring earplugs.
– if the performers ask for audience participation, go along with it. It’s not going to kill you to shout a little or wave your arms around
– In a small place, don’t leave and walk in front of the performers in the middle of a song. The songs are shorter than at a classical concert, you can wait a minute or two.
I’m old fashioned about these things myself, and like to wander in and out while talking with the ladies and laughing at the occasional joke. Having movie shorts between movements – Road Runner cartoons would be a good choice- would certainly liven things up, as would young ladies selling hot dogs. Maybe add a short intro with the first violinist making barnyard animal noises on his instrument to get the audience’s attention. You, and your new fangled art worship, have brought a once thriving art form to its knees and made it boring.
Congrats A.L. I’m celebrating my 10th Anniversary today (14th) and we’re definitely going somewhere where tapping is allowed.
Congratulations to you both–or all four, rather — AL + TG + PD + Mr (or Mrs) D.
Well, I may get to see Mike H perform next weekend, so I’ll see if I’m capable of playing by different rules. Do you throw the beer bottles onstage at the start or end of the set?
A.L.
Do you throw the beer bottles onstage at the start or end of the set?
I guess that depends on whether the band is behind a cage or not.
All this is symptomatic of the general decline of maturity, discipline, and toughness of the American people.
1) Adults over the age of 30 now commonly engage in behavior that usually was not considered normal for people above the age of 22.
2) Laziness is normalized – going to lunch at 11:45 rather than Noon. Leaving at 3:30 on a Friday rather than at 5 PM, etc.
3) A ridiculous tendency to take politcal correctness to an extreme, without realizing the extreme i.e. Blacks can say things about whites that Whites dare not say about blacks. Women can condemn men in a generalized way that men dare not condemn women, etc.
4) A ridiculous tendency to overrate the cultures of other countries, no matter how ignorant the opinion may be.
I currently live in California, but grew up in Ohio and in India. If I tell the typical California liberal that I am moving back to Ohio, they would immediately think that Ohio is a crude hellhole filled with ignorant hicks.
But if I were to tell them I was moving back to India, there reaction would be “Ohhh…that is so wonderful!!”. In other words, India is a better place to live than Ohio, in the mind of these CA liberal morons.
Without getting into the details, let me just say that Ohio is a much better place to live than India. At least Ohio has reliable electricity, public libraries, broadband Internet, and does not have common incidences of Malaria, Typhoid, Tuberculosis, etc.
5) An extreme inability to handle any physical discomfort.
6) An inability to execute any self-discipline. Obesity is a problem in America that is purely self-inflicted. People are lazy, ignorant, and lacking in self-control.
That is why AL experienced the poor behavior that he did. The average American is drifting downwards on all levels.
I have to second Liberal X on Shostakovich. He was twice banned in the Soviet Union, forced to denounce his own work and humiliate himself, and they say he used to sleep outside his door so it wouldn’t get kicked in when they came to arrest him. He wasn’t a member of the Party until the 60s, when he was forced to join.
There’s a lot of controversy about Shostakovich, but if you want a morally bent composer then Richard Wagner is your man.
The first three points are simple and obvious. I live on the East Coast not far from NY City, and I rarely see such things. As for number 4, it is at least interesting to know that remaining silent between movements is a recent convention. Before WWII, audiences far more sophisticated than today’s average audience did clap after a movement if they liked it. It was accepted form.
I believe you have sand in your vagina.
bq. I live on the East Coast not far from NY City, and I rarely see such things.
I have to agree. I grew up in the Northeast and I was taught how to behave at these events. Maybe the average Angeleno has not been educated in acceptable behavior for classical music events.
It may be crude, but printing behavior guidelines (NO TALKING. NO CELL PH0NE USES, etc) on the program guides in _REALLY BIG LETTERS_ would cut down on the bad behavior.