CONVERSATION STOPPERS

One of my best friends spent years as a community organizer for parks in New York City. She is a fountain of funny stories and ‘on-the-ground’ political wisdom, and one of her truisms is: dog doo ends all meetings.
That is to say, much like Godwin’s Law, as soon as dog waste is brought up, the meeting is effectively over. The room divides, the tempers get hot, and constructive discussion flies out the window.
I’ll suggest a corollary of this, which is: race ends all Democratic politics.
In the discussion of the ‘Veterans Day’ post below, the thread immediate turned into a race politics thread…who were the racists, and what political power did they have in which party. And constructive discussion sort of petered out.
Now, race is a real issue in American life today.
Yesterday, I had dinner with a friend. I was dropping off a character reference letter for him to give to the sentencing judge next week. He got talked into something stupid, got set up, and got arrested. Another casualty of the drug wars (to his credit, he blames no one but himself…one reason he’s the kind of guy I’d write judge letters for). There’s a chance…a narrow chance…that he will just get probation, which means he’ll get to keep the job he’s had for twelve years.
We were talking about it and he said something that rang my bells pretty hard.
“Now,” he said quietly, “when I get pulled over and they ask me if I’m on probation, I’ll have to say ‘yes’.” I looked at him.
“Damn,” I said, “they never ask me that…” and then the unspoken acknowledgment. He’s black, I’m not.
Now I’ve ridden along with cops a fair amount (I also have good cop friends). Without going into a lot of detail about my friend, there are things that would make me look at him twice (things I learned to look for from cops, and which I saw and remarked on when he and I first met…part of how we became friends).
But his matter of fact comment is no less heartbreaking to me because I know that if I was a cop, I’d be asking him the same question. And there, in a nutshell, is the American Tragedy of race.
But…it isn’t the only problem or the only tragedy we face. And the fact that it stops us in our tracks…that it stopped Janice Hahn…that it stops discussion…is a bigger problem. I won’t pretend to lecture anyone on this subject tonight.
But the lecture’s coming.

5 thoughts on “CONVERSATION STOPPERS”

  1. AL
    Perspective shades the view of all, regardless of race. The subtlety of your reference is exquisite but, alas, I’m afraid it will be lost on the intended targest here.

  2. It’s amazing to me that you can still say this:
    because I know that if I was a cop, I’d be asking him the same question
    This has nothing to do with conversation starting or stopping. This has to do with whether minds can be changed, and you’ve just written yourself a post saying “no they can’t”. Well done.

  3. SPF –
    Ever spent time in a ghetto? I have, both as a kid a teen, and an adult. My friend was a MOB as a youth, and still wore ruby earrings and a bright red Swatch, along with some other ‘signs’ and ink when I knew him.
    That’s a flashing neon sign to a street cop, and he would have been – and was – stopped frequently. As noted, if I was a cop, I’d have stopped him too.
    I have a kind of perverse admiration for him, that he would leave that life behind, but be unwilling to cut himself off from it completely or symbolically, even at a cost.
    A.L.

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