He asks: “So can she call you, then?”
And you reply – because you’re polite – “Sure, go ahead and give her my number,” because you don’t really think she’ll call. And what would you say to the mother of the man who died riding the motorcycle that crossed the centerline and caused the head-on collision that almost killed one of your good friends? The entire mass of modern society – from the cell phone that dialed 911 through the computer network that dispatched the Life Flight helicopter to the emergency room and medical team that saved his life, rebuilt his bones with titanium plates and bolts, and then cared for him as he recovered from three major operations – saved my friend.
Now it’s time to deal with the losses.
Through the Internet, the other rider was identified, and the message came across that his survivors – his widow and parents – wished to talk to the injured rider, his girlfriend, and his parents.
I wound up as the message-bearer back and forth, and after a long discussion with my friend’s parents, eventually conveyed the message that they would be willing to talk with the bereaved parents. As I passed the message, my counterpart – a close friend of the deceased rider – asked if they could call me as well.
And I said yes, and didn’t think about it until today, when my cell phone rang and a strange, sad voice was there when I picked up.
She called me as I merged onto the 110 South and we spoke until I left the 110 for the 405 North…maybe twenty minutes. And as I spoke with her I suddenly wasn’t just a friend of one of the riders any more; I was a parent, imagining a call like this about one of my sons and how I know my heart would be tearing its way out of my chest with every word I spoke. And we talked as parents.
“He was so happy that morning when he left to go for a ride…” And then the phone rings and the Sheriff’s car, and a mountain of grief that – in the best of all world – becomes a hill of sadness you’ll climb every day from now on.
My friend is looking at a hard year to become what he was one corner before his accident – and knowing him, and watching his girlfriend lovingly sit holding his fingers – I know he’ll come out on the other side of it.
We all will. All of us except one…
We’ll come out of it but we will be changed.
You did a very good thing, Armed Liberal.
May you all heal quickly and abundantly, as completely as possible.
I too have had a call like that. You did the right thing.
To answer the question:
Maybe something like: “Why couldn’t you bring your son up properly so he would act responsibly?”
One more bit of contamination removed from the gene pool.
In my experience, bringing up a son properly entails that he takes certain risks at a certain age. If you want contamination in your society, produce a class of young men who are so “responsible” that they never take chances. Then see what kind of society you get.
We manage that tendency to a certain degree, by offering opportunities like Marine Corps Boot Camp. There young men can have the challenges with only a little real risk of injury to themselves or others. But, in a free society, those opportunities have to be chosen. If they aren’t, it’s still part of a young man’s heart to take risks. Most of the time they test themselves and pass, and nobody gets hurt.
Sometimes there are tragedies like this one, which are horrible for everyone. Yet, truthfully, we need brave and confident men. You don’t get them if men don’t take risks when they are young.
Hopefully they risk where the danger to others is minimal. I doubt any of us men here past a certain age, however, can look back and say that we were always so responsible — or that we understood just what we were risking. Or that it was our parents’ fault that we weren’t, and didn’t.
Most likely he was a decent young man, as he obviously came from decent parents. My condolences, AL, for the suffering of your friend, and the grief of these poor people.
AL, I’m sorry your friend was horribly hurt and I wish him as speedy and as thorough a recovery as possible under the circumstances. My brother was injured by a drunk driver a few years ago during his last year of college and I know the pain that a family goes through watching a loved one in the hospital and having to go through rehabilitation. My brother recovered but you’re never quite the same.
That being said, it’s to your credit that you could feel compassion for the mother of the dead driver. A lot of people would have lashed out at her because her son caused the accident but you (typically) saw the larger picture that this was a woman who will have to deal with her own grief.
In my late teens and early twenties I had a couple of very close calls and got away from each without causing or receiving any injuries. A few more inches in either case though and people might have died. And they would have been stupid deaths.
Fletcher, ease up. AL was right to be angry when he heard the news, and the injured and those close to them still have that right. But the guy who died was in all probability not a bad person, and those grieving for him have suffered a terrible loss.
You are a mensch, AL. Good on you.
Fletcher, you need to live up to your surname.
Maybe he wasn’t a bad person, but he was an irresponsible idiot.
If you want to take risks, do so where you won’t harm someone else if you screw up. I can think of many activities; rock climbing and scuba diving are two of them, and in neither case are you likely to take someone else with you. If you want to ride a bike fast, do it on the track.
Here we have one dead guy who took one chance too many, driving on the wrong side of the road and probably too fast, and another person who will likely never be the same again through no fault of his own.
Who have you got more sympathy for?
In my opinion, the thing the rest of us ought to be sorry about is that this idiot didn’t hit a tree instead of another rider.