Catch 22

Somehow I thought of this last night…

Milo carefully said nothing when Major —- de Coverly stepped into the mess hall with his fierce and austere dignity the day he returned and found his way blocked by a wall of officers waiting in line to sign loyalty oaths. At the far end of the food counter, a group of men who had arrived earlier were pledging allegiance to the flag, with trays of food balanced in one hand, in order to be allowed to take seat sat the table. Already at the tables, a group that had arrived still earlier was singing “The Star Spangled Banner” in order that they might use the salt and pepper and ketchup there. The hubbub began to subside slowly as Major —- de Coverly paused in the doorway with a frown of puzzled disapproval, as though viewing something bizarre. He started forward in a straight line, and the wall of officers before him parted like the Red Sea. Glancing neither left nor right, he strode indomitably up to the steam counter and, in a clear, full-bodied voice that was gruff with age and resonant with ancient eminence and authority, said:

“Gimme eat.”

Instead of eat, Corporal Snark gave Major —- de Coverly a loyalty oath to sign. Major —- de Coverly swept it away with mighty displeasure the moment he recognized what it was, his good eye flaring up blindingly with fiery disdain and his enormous old corrugated face darkening in mountainous wrath.

“Gimme eat, I said,” he ordered loudly in harsh tones that rumbled through the silent tent like claps of distant thunder.

Corporal Snark turned pale and began to tremble. He glanced toward Milo pleadingly for guidance. For several terrible seconds there was not a sound. Then Milo nodded.

“Give him eat,” he said.

Corporal Snark began giving Major —- de Coverly eat. Major —- de Coverly turned from the counter with his tray full and came to a stop. His eyes fell on the groups of other officers gazing at him in mute appeal, and with righteous belligerence, he roared:

“Give everybody eat!”

“Give everybody eat!” Milo echoed with joyful relief, and the Glorious Loyalty Oath Crusade came to an end.

“Give everybody eat!”…if only it was somehow that simple.

3 thoughts on “Catch 22”

  1. I’ve sometimes wondered why Heller didn’t write more about the actual war. Truth is usually more interesting than serious fiction.

  2. Yeah, but there is such a thing as the “Spinal Tap” exception to the rule. Fiction (serious or otherwise) that encapsulates a lot of truths.

    I mean rock bands have a pretty wild reality going. But I keep hearing from leading rockers that they love Spinal Tap – largely because, as Bono reportedly put it “it’s all true.” It’s still interesting to watch “Some Kind of Monster” about Metallica, but Spinal Tap works with a wider range than any one band is likely to experience. Ditto “Catch 22”.

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