Star Wars – “…finally out of this picture!!”

I saw a screening of Revenge of the Sith this week. No tickets, no waiting, free snacks, $1 for parking.

I paid too much.

I’ll have to see it again with the boys, but I can still save you.I haven’t seen acting or dialog this wooden since the last porn or traffic safety film I saw. The porn was less boring, because it was shorter, better acted, and involved gratuitous nudity. I had to sit through the traffic safety film because I was in traffic school. The effects don’t save it, because they make up in laborious effort what they lack in grandeur.

Even great actors like Ewan McGregor and Sam Jackson get buried in this. Jackson dies with a look of gratitude on his face…”I’m finally out of the picture!” I imagined him thinking.

Wait for the highlight reel of lightsaber fights. Don’t wait in line.

23 thoughts on “Star Wars – “…finally out of this picture!!””

  1. Im still gonna see it …wanna see bad acting .. ?

    How about W Shatner, making his “Im in pain, this hurts” face, acting so bad you didnt want your parents to walk thru the room during those parts, lest their opinion of you drop that low.

    Getting caught watching Sesame Street would not have caused as much blush.

    I still liked trek

    Besides, nothing could be as painfull as having to sit thru JarJar or the Ewoks. Well except if they had cast Shatner and his pain face.

    Another other disapointment that pops in my head, Star trek Nemesis

    They had Data singing a nice Erving Berlin Tune, and he was doing the tune really well, really sucked they didnt let him finish it. it was like some a-hole walked by and shut off the radio in the middle of a fav tune.

    Blue Skies,,, Smiling at me, Nothing but Blue Skies ,,,,

    Really sucked man …

  2. Hey, Sesame Street is still some of the best stuff on TV. Where else can you find “Zen philosophy like this?”: Anyone who says they’re too old to watch it needs a swift kick in the butt. Anyone who says they’re too mature should be wedgied.

    And in defense of Return of the Jedi, we did get to watch a lot of Ewoks get fried, turbolasered, and otherwise blown up. (“No BBQ, though”: – Lord Vader informs us that we missed it by a few days.)

    If Lucas had done us the same courtesy with Jar-Jar and New Kids on the Block in Episode II, I would have paid good money to watch.

  3. My sweetie says that I suffer from arrested development. There’s been no specific mention of my operational age however.

    Maybe I’m more hopeless than I thought though. I found Episode I to be a combination of sleepy time boring and Jar-Jar Binks annoying. Episode II at least got rid of the annoying part. Both seem like they’re just trying to touch all the bases instead of just taking us somehwere. There’s no since of adventure anymore.

    Both would have been much, much better if they were shot totally from Ani’s perspective. Too many “Jaded Jedi” for my taste. There wasn’t anyone in either movie that would have given a turd to keep doing what they were doing, except Ani. He was having fun. They should have let him keep doing it, right up unitl the Dark Side(tm) came calling… and maybe even then. The Dark Side(tm) could be a lot of fun I’m sure.

  4. No way, Jind. My inner 14 year old was totally pissed off: Gimme my $10 back, Lucas! (Yeah, it’s more of an outer 14 yr. old these days, actually)

    But just to jog your memory: remember episode 4 and 5? Can anything in 3 compare to Hans solo, cave monsters, Jabba the Hut, Bubba Fett,or the millenium falcon? Nope.

    And really, what’s up with the only black Jedi getting a purple lightsaber? Nobody tell Jerry Falwell…

  5. I loved it. But then again I didnt go looking for answers to life’s mysteries or the next Oscar winner. If i want to refried crap the glitterotsi embraces ill wait for the next Ron Howard movie or try to get a security cam watching Tom Hanks park his car. I went to see dudes with laser swords blowing crap up, and I was paid back in spades.

  6. jinnderella: Get in touch with your 14 year old self and enjoy it!

    My actual 14 year old self loved Star Wars, right through the first 20 minutes of The Empire Strikes Back.

    Then the traumatic disillusionment began.

    I learned to my dismay that the whole Luke-and-Leia fantasy relationship was a twisted incest scenario. Thank you so much for dumping that bucket of ice water on my troubled adolescence, George. Small use I had for Luke What’s-his-Face after that, I can tell you.

    Needless to say, Leia fell in love with Han Solo. When she says “I love you”, all the dumb jock could think to say was “I know”. Facing death, that’s all he could think of. (In the audience, I wanted to scream “Why him?” – it was all I could think of.) I could have waited for High School to learn all of the disturbing lessons that were dished out there.

    That wasn’t all, either. Before it was over, Lucas was bringing up issues I had with my father.

  7. Raymond: I still liked trek …

    I like old Trek, too. I like Kirk and Spock, and the cardboard Enterprise. I liked the fact that all the senior officers (except Spock) were Scotsmen.

    The enduring quality of space opera is inversely proportional to the special effects budget.

  8. Aha! Which seems to indicate LACK of agreement with me!

    [insert impromptu rant about liberal Sesame Street haters and animal-rights nutjobs who object to the barbequeing of tasty Ewok primitives all basted with that special Corellian BBQ sauce….]

  9. Bah, humbug!
    Read what you are saying!
    You are all too old….

    Joe, i still really like Dr. Suess.
    We used to have Suess drinking contests in school, declaim a couplet and drink! muff it and Drink twice!

    “And now it is night, it is time for sleep,
    And we will sleep with our pet Zeep,
    Today is gone, today was fun,
    Tomorrow is another one.

    From near to far, from here to there,
    Funnie things are everywhere.”

    Kind of says it all, doesn’t it?

  10. Well.

    I love Dr. Zhivago, Lawrence of Arabia and 12 O’Clock High. I had a ball at Revenge of the Sith, too. It serves an entirely different purpose than the others, and some people won’t like it. Some people don’t like broccoli, either, but neither makes them wrong.

    It’s mental play, mind candy. As long as it doesn’t become a steady diet, what’s the problem? My wife, 11-year-old daughter and I saw it at 12:01 on the 19th. Last chance to geek out for a new Star Wars movie. What great fun! We went again, when we found out that the Galaxy Highland was showing it on a digital DSP screen. Awesome difference in picture quality, and seeing it fully concious was a good thing, too.

    It wasn’t Million Dollar Baby, it was Star Wars, fer cryin’ out loud. We turned our brains off and rode the ride. Way fun! Logical holes galore, but so what? It’s just for fun, and it’s more fun on a big screen. Waiting for the DVD, you’ll miss about 2/3 of the indulgence. Feel guilty for just having a good time? Well, at least you’re not there in a costume, so you must be OK, right?

  11. Raymond, YES! Another original Star Trek fan. Star Trek was actully a lot more intelligent than it’s given credit for. After all, four of the episode titles were taken from Shakespeare plays.

  12. Didn’t see much Star Trek growing up…(not a lot of TV then, either)…but LOVED Star Wars. Loved the cheesy energy of it, the earnest irony all three main characters managed to portray.

    Empire and Jedi were not as good – meaning they tried to be better, probably because the movies were now “important”. Then again, Princess Leia in the slave-girl costume…

    But I’m enough of a fan-boy for the first three films to have forgiven Lucas for making the second three.

    I just wish I hadn’t seen them.


  13. I’ll agree there are some akward moments and some bad acting but here’s a thought. These guys are freakin Jedis. They aren’t supposed to be animated and emotional.

    Food for thought.

    then it came to the final scene between Anakin and Ben. I thought they did a great job and that is what I paid my money for anyhoo.

    I thought given what we know of Anakin’s personality and history ie born a slave without control or dignity seeing his mom used by men for sex, having talent in spades but noone to appreciate it, then suddenly you are the Chosen One, but your mom still dies an ugly death you might have saved her from and you go ape shit on the people who killed her betraying every expectation and everything you’ve been taught. You get nothing from the icy Jedi but normalcy from your girl and baby on the way but she is going to die too. Then someone who understands you enters the picture and hints strongly that he can help solve all your problems. In short order, a slaughter of the Jedi doesn’t seem that bad in comparison to having everything you ever wanted and peace to enjoy it in to boot. All too easy to understand that last half hour. A plausible, gut wrenching slide into hell of a beautiful boy who seems to have everything we might admire but helplessly loses everything he ever wanted trying to save it.

    I think that in spite of its flaws the movie is absolutely f-ing brilliant for that story line alone. I am not going to be the one to nit-pick.

    I don’t mean to come on harsh here. I just loved this movie. This coming from someone who hated the two before it. This one got to me and if I have to use strong language to convey that then so be it. Thank you for listening. Done.

  14. I agree with jinn. I wasn’t watching this for Oscar winning acting.

    And I think peggy #17 comes close to capturing what the movie is about.

    The big question I walked into the movie with was “how are the Jedi going to screw up and lose Anakin to the Darkside?” Interesting answers, very instructive.

  15. The big question I walked into the movie with was “how are the Jedi going to screw up and lose Anakin to the Darkside?” Interesting answers, very instructive.

    Could the first mistake possibly be leaving his mother bound in slavery? The Jedi deserved their fate, as do all wooden characterizations!

  16. Anybody that blasts any of the Star Wars movies for being silly and badly acted and holds up original Trek needs to be Clock Work Oranged into a Trek marathon until their eyeballs bleed. They are the identical, except that Trek had cheap cheesy sets and moonbeam 60s politics while Star Wards has expensive cheesy sets and moonbeam 00s politics. Either one you read to much into and you lose the magic.

  17. Think of the pressure the kid is under. He is supposed to be the Chosen One. That wouldn’t mess with anyone’s head would it? Then you have ample evidence that you are not capable of Jedi detachment. Anakin wants to love people and be attached to them and be passionate about things and detachment makes less and less sense to him. What happens when Anakin goes to Yoda for help? He tells him to forget about his attachments. Any kid in their right mind would say “that’s bullshit” Maybe he begins to think that as the chosen one he is meant to go a different path or to embrace both sides at the same time and the Jedi just dont know what they are thinking about.

    Other parts of the character and what happens to him make sense when you think of his age which couldn’t be more than early 20’s and possibly somewhat less than that emotionally because he’s so screwed up from pressures from without and within. How many people at that age are eloquent about their feelings? How many lash out at an unfair world? Sulk? etc etc. I wonder if it isn’t an essential part of the character and his outcome that he is so young. I don’t think that it should be any suprise that he just blows. I think the scene where he just gives up is where he has just killed Mace and sits down and asks himself what he has just done. He can’t live up to the Jedi’s expectations, so why keep trying?

    I also wonder if it would have been half as fun reading between the lines if it had all been spelled out oh so very eloquently. The material is there and the imagination can do the rest.

    The other part that didnt make sense to me at first was why he would turn the Chancellor in to Mace one minute and the next go running to him. I think he was sitting there thinking about Padme and lost his nerve. Couldn’t sit there and lose his only chance at saving her and also the only man alive who would just let Anakin be Anakin. I don’t think its a stretch to think that the Chancellor would seem more like a father to him than Obi-wan ever did.

    Ok now I’m done.

    But isn’t it obvious that I have been doing a little thinking on the subject? I’ve been waiting for a chance to get it all out. heh heh.

  18. I swear this will be the last one.

    What about that final fight scene where Anakin is fighting with the father/brother figure who really loves him albiet in his flawed way? But then Ben doesn’t tell him that he always loved him until after its too late? And he’s till going on about the Chosen One even then?

    Its brilliant stuff. Its off the charts brilliant space opera. I think people sometimes forget that its supposed to be operatic and mythic and written on a large and grand scale. Opera wouldn’t be opera if it was forced to conform to the requirements of intimate modern drama would it? In an opera, the actors “lines” must be brief and very economical and their gestures have to be broad. Its in the nature of the form. Episode III can very much be enjoyed by an adult as an opera while the kids enjoy all the saber battles and whiz bang. I think it has the most operatic score of all the movies. Listen to the music during that whole last section to see what I mean.

  19. Mark: Anybody that blasts any of the Star Wars movies for being silly and badly acted …

    You left out poorly written. It never fails to amaze me how low the writing standards are for Hollywood epics.

    That was the failing of the LOTR movies. The set design and cinematography were so beautiful – done by someone who had a deep understanding of Tolkien’s complicated settings. An unbelievably good job – almost perfect. A masterpiece of professionalism.

    Too bad the script was written by someone who seemed to be working from Cliff’s Notes, and not even understanding the Cliff’s Notes. Tolkien’s dialogue was discarded for the usual sitcom blither, important scenes were pared down to make room for extraneous sight gags, and major characters were totally misunderstood and misrepresented (including almost all of the female characters).

    So who cares? In the future, all films will be animated and made in Japan. Eventually, they’ll stop bothering to provide subtitles and voice-overs. Who really cares what anybody is saying?

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